Heather's Story!  




My name is Heather. I am 36 years old. I have been with my significant other for 12 years off and on now. I have three children, one who is also bipolar. I've been depressed for as far back as I can remember but that used to be all there was to deal with, until I turned 18. I started going thru these times where Id act out sexually, or violently or I'd just get REAL low and drink. I joined the navy at 18 because that was what i really wanted, but it didn't fit me well I guess. Those times happened more and more. No matter what antidepressent they put me on it didnt help me. I got married right out of the navy and spent the next five years having babies and getting beat up pretty much daily, i was so depressed i drank so much but I was frozen which wasnt like me i couldnt get out. Shortly after my third child, my inlaws literally bullied me into going into a hospital, I was so depressed but they didnt want me there for that I was "unworthy" so I went to this place thinking my ex was home with the  kids, only they toook the kids cross state lines and tucked him into a rehab. when i was there they put me on meds for the first time. im not sure i got a chance for them to work. the doc there told me I wasnt bipolar and that mostly i needed to meditate. when it came time to leave no one came for me I had no idea the kids were gone or anything, i had to call child protective services to get home and find out what was happening. i finally did leave and came to my hometown not to long after this. I got a place and tried to keep things together but i kept having nightmares about what id been thru and altho I didnt drink or drug my brain never once shut down. My anxiety was terriible. I tried to go back to school but i couldnt focus, people were talking about me. I finally signed temporary guardianship over to family members of my kids cause i was not the mom they needed at that point and i went to work on me. i went to meetings and church and school for law and i was on a roll, during all this i met my significant other (who is a god send) I was so high during one point of this the only thing missing was the drugs and alcohol. I fought to keep myself afloat I fought do the right thing. I was awful in my relationship. It just was hell day by day, things I loved slipped out of focus for me. About 4 years ago I finally hit the worst so  far for me, I walked on my man over nothing, I cut ties with people and I went on a nice little manic ride that embarrases me. I would get violent around my man, very violent. I wouldnt sleep. I always was crying. I talked faster than i thought. It went on and on. Finally I went to a doctor out of desperation who said I was bipolar and I needed to start some meds. I was desperate so I did. The last four years have been hard. Med changes are rough. So far we havent found the right combo for me. There is no "doc" to see for me because our mental health is "full up" so I do the best i can My girls live with me now and one of them has bipolar too, so we can be not so fun to be around at times. But my man, Dick, he's a god send he gets mad but he handles it in his own way. we both read a lot about bipolar and talk about it. Ive had family and friends turn on me but Dick and the kids wouldnt think of that as an option. I struggle daily and have few good days at all. But I enjoy the ones I get. So I guess thats me.